It’s okay to take a break!

Six months back I resigned from my hectic job. It was taking away my life. For five months I was trying to juggle my personal and workplace responsibilities on my own. Asking for help was never learnt. I believe in self service. Gradually as I was spending more and more time alone I was losing myself. Everything seems trivial and as if my existence doesn’t count. Of course my work was getting affected and my boss never ever thought of talking to me even once.
I knew I was going on the path of negativity and depression. I hardly managed to cook one meal in a day and worked for 15 hours a day. Language of the region was different. It always seemed as if they are making fun of me. With each passing day it was getting difficult for me to get up from my bed. I spoke to one of my seniors and asked if I can get a transfer near to my home as food and environment was taking a toll on my health and my work was location independent. He asked my boss and she took it as an opportunity to say I don’t work, I don’t deserve this position and I won’t be able to meet my targets.
Sarcastically she always mentioned that she is an in grown resource so I always thought maybe her compensation is similar to mine and that leads to this unsaid competition where the only go to person I have for that location is her and she never supported me. Numerous times I told her my health was going bad there but she was not at all interested to know what’s wrong.
I was foolish or say my thinking was completely barred as I was not eating and sleeping well. She individually told me how bad I was at work and how I could never succeed in my life. She manipulated me to think about role change and once I agreed she said I won’t allow you to get into these roles. This meant she was a powerful person in the organization. I ultimately wanted to live. I told her I would take a role change and very next day put down my papers.
She seemed shocked with my behavior. I work for the human resource department. If my own boss could treat me so badly, culture of the organization was too bad. I did’t wanted to contribute to the insane treatment managers give their teams there. To manage a team shouting, making people feel embarrassed, giving them ultimatums if they can’t do this then just leave were the ways of controlling things. I believe every person needs a bit of respect and understanding, We could have figured out a midway solution but this kind of behavior towards a person could have resulted in serious consequences had I not had a strong support of family and friends.
A request to all future managers, communicate with your employees at their level especially if they are not working as per your standards. Don’t throw stone at them when they are already suffering. No matter organizations say that they are taking care of mental health we still have a long road to cross to reach our destination. Be aware of your team’s mental health before giving out negative feedback and always give them time to improve. I forgave my boss before leaving thinking she must have had her own reasons. It gives peace to the mind. I haven’t yet figured out what I really want to do next in my life but this experience made me shut down completely for few months. Of course I know I am not that useless what that boss made me feel. It taught me a very important lesson in life, ” We always need to know which person’s feedback counts in our life and how seriously we need to take others. Life is a long journey. One bad experience doesn’t means world is full of only negative people. We’ll meet positive souls as well.” Hoping to find happiness in the job I take up next in these uncertain times.

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